The demon barber of south park
by Momo-chocola
Summary: Pip visits England with the gang and run into his uncle's crazy murderous landlady. t for swearing


Okay I could kind of work with my last one but this was nearly impossible. How do you even link these two? Jesus Christ.

Anyway here's this. Check out my main trashy waifu's counter story "The beach city phantom". it's kinda of this competition thing we do. she obsesses over minor details so she'll fill you in

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"Oh golly I can't wait to see my uncle. It's been so long." Whined a British child wearing a red jacket with an overly big brown bow.

"Shut up you French piece of crap." Yelled Cartman from behind him.

"Shut up fat ass." Said the ginger beside Pip. Pip was going to correct him but then the obnoxious child spoke out again.

"Don't tell me what to do Jew boy." He said more annoyed.

"That's enough from the both of you. You are to behave properly when you meet my uncle and his land lady." Pip tried to threaten but only come off as anxious.

"Nobody asked your opinion."

"Why did you even come if all you're going to do is complain and insult me?" Pip asked raising an eyebrow at Cartman.

"Dude do you know what British snacks taste like? I would kill to get Malteasers."

"Whatever dude. We're nearly there."

"What the hell dude. I knew England was behind the times but this is just ridiculous." Said Cartman looking at the Victorian like area.

The boys were in an area of London that looked like it had been from the Victorian era. There was a stench of drunk prostitutes and the dirty air. It was so different to back home in south park Colorado.

Pip lead the way to the location where his uncle was staying. He had been told he was living with a landlady called Mrs Lovett. They boys had seen a picture of her and each had a different reaction.

Kyle pointed out how she looked like their old bus driver Mrs Crabtree, Stan said she looked like a steampunkghost, Cartman thought she was probably a psychopathic and Kenny…Well Kenny was going to tap that.

They reached the small shop which had a small sign hanging over it reading "Mrs Lovett's pie emporium." They entered and the aroma of fresh pies were filling the air.

"Customers!" The boys heard a sudden cry of joy come from the other room. They were greeted by the crazy haired lady they had seen in the picture previously.

"You must be Mister T's lad Pip. Pleasure to meet'cha love." She said holding out her hand for a hand shake.

"These are my Fri- These are my budd- Meet the chaps. Eric, Kyle and Stanley."

"Why don't I get ya all some gin and a nice juice meat pie. Then I'll go tell Mr T."

"Splendid." Said Pip being his British chipper self as always.

She got them their snacks and left to go tell the demon barber of their arrival. They boys looked around and noted that this place was breaking several health and safety violations. There were rats scratching at the walls and there was dust everywhere.

They then tucked into their meal. Kyle sniffed it first and decided to take a tiny bite just in case it was poisonous or anything. He did and was met with an unexpected result. A top part of a finger had come of in his mouth. He spat the human body part and chucked the pie away in disgust.

"There's a fucking finger in my pie dudes."

"That's fucking sick dude." Said Stan as he threw up what little he had eaten realising he had consumed human meat. Kenny had drank all of the gin Mrs Lovett had left for them and was too drunk to even care. Cartman was looking unimpressed.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Kyle you just ate human meat.

"It's not fucking funny fat ass!" Kyle slammed his fist on the table still trying to get the taste out of his mouth.

"Come on guys I put Scott's parents into a pot of chili. At least I wasn't wasteful the only put one finger in there."

"You fucking murdered someone chubby." He said slapping the obsess child.

They hadn't realised that Pip had started to shake violently and that he was literally going to burst out and scream. He thought there was no way that loving dear uncle could be a murderer.

"What are you children gabbing on about?" Said the crazy haired Lady walking in with an equally mad haired fellow.

"Nothing. Just how good the pie is ma'am." Said Pip quickly covering for "Friends".

Pip looked curiously at his uncle Benjamin. He had changed a lot since the last time he had saw him. His hair was now black with a streak of white and his eyes had a psychotic glare to them.

"You must be Pip." He assumed looking down at the small shaky blond.

And then they talked and left because I ran out of time.

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Does anyone else remember Pip? I don't care. I think it worked. Soz I ran out of time


End file.
